I Don't Want To

I purchased my diabetic testing supplies, which I will refer to as the prick kit; or to be less offensive, PK. I don't want to use it. I don't want it like I didn't want to do gym in middle school, like I didn't want to play on a traveling softball team, and like I didn't want to sit through 3 hours of a blood draw. I don't want to do it to the point where I have completely disassociated myself from the device, the issue and the problem. I keep not thinking about it every time it enters my mind. I keep trying to think of a way that my mother could possibly write me a note to get me out of having to do this, just like she wrote me a note to get me an A in a class.

I am still fairly certain that this is all a mistake. I'm not sick. I don't feel sick. I don't look sick. So my body doesn't process 100 grams of sugar on an empty stomach that well. Guess what? It also can't dead lift 200 lbs, do a back bend from a standing position or repair itself after being cut into by a magician. But do I have to self mutilate myself four times a day because it cannot complete those feats? NO! Can't I just promise to never consume that much sugar in one sitting without eating prior? I am good at keeping promises.

The whole idea of PK makes me mad. The idea of ruining the enjoyment of a good meal by stabbing myself and squeezing out blood on a test strip; the idea of having to pass 4 tests a day. I hate to fail at things, unless I don't care about them. I can fail at running a mile in under whatever the standard time for running a mile is. I don't care about that. I can also fail at coming to a complete stop at a stop sign that has no cars in sight. It won't bug me. But the idea that my body, the part that I can't control, can fail at something 4 times a day bothers me. It is as if there are really two parts of my body. The part that I can communicate with and control, like my fingers, toes and eyes, and the part that I cannot, like blood sugar. I speak two languages, and it doesn't seem to listen to either.

I realize that some people might not find this to be such a big deal, and to them I say, "Shut up :)." I realize that there are far worse things in the world like Libya, those people that protest funerals and Charlie Sheen. I realize that there are millions of people that do this every day, and to that I say, "But I don't want to."