It's Like A Mel Gibson Epic Film

There is some famous war movie or perhaps football movie, my pregnancy brain can hardly distinguish between the two, where people either in the battling armies or a stadium begin to chant "Hold that line!" Again, it would help if I knew exactly which medium I was talking about, but at any rate, that is exactly what I feel like I have to do right now. I have to "hold that line." I'm like Benjamin Martin (The Patriot) or William Wallace (Braveheart). My odds are stacked against me, but I can't give up hope yet.

Here is the scenario my doctor gave me today: Try not to have my baby during the week because the on-call doctor that will be caring for her patients while she is in Brazil does not do VBACS. Try to have the baby on the weekend because those on-call doctors do VBACS. If for whatever reason I do not go into labor on my own, which of course must be on a weekend, then I will have a scheduled c-section for June 13th.

I feel like the C-section is like the English Redcoats. It is the enemy I have to hold off for as long as possible. I realize that a lot of people may not understand the idea about me disliking a c-section so much, and all I can say is that a c-section is no little ordeal. It is major surgery that involves the cutting of guts and muscles and the rearranging of internal organs. Furthermore, it is not like a tummy tuck which results in you looking any better than how you started. In fact, you kinda look like the Michelin Man and Pillsbury Dough Boy's love child. Some people may like the idea of the procedure to the old fashioned Bee Gee style breathing and pushing; however, I am not one of those people. I will happily breath in an Andy and Barry Gibb style syncopated rhythm while pushing out a watermelon instead. Very sexy visual, I know.

The kicker to all of this is that my blood pressure is slightly elevated according to my doctor's office. I had my blood pressure taken 6 times today. Three were perfect and three were slightly elevated. Why we didn't have a battle royale to settle the conflict, I don't know. So now I get to have another NST on Friday where they will draw blood and check my blood pressure. If that comes out high then I might have to have a c-section due to my history with pregnancy hypertension. In my head as I write this I instantly hear the voice from Rob Schneider's character in The Water Boy saying "Ah, we suck again!"

So now I wait, with all the excitement of a high school student with a bad case of Senior-itis, for Friday. Perhaps I will don a blue painted face, kilt and dreads before going into the hospital to help scare the blood pressure or at least intimidate the doctor. However, now I am remembering how that whole get up didn't fair so well for William Wallace in the end. Maybe my mom can just write me a note to get me out of it instead.

Corey